What it feels like to be in a cave?
June 13, 2025
Week 4
Journal begin June 9, 2025. 11:50pm
Being in a
cave feels like going into the parts of yourself that you try not to think
about. The light goes out as soon as you walk in. It's not getting darker over
time, it's going from light to dark all at once, like the sun has gone out. You
blink your eyes to try to get used to the dark, but it doesn't get lighter. The
thick, heavy feeling wraps around you like a blanket that has been wet with
cold water. There are hands in front of your face that you can't see. You lose
your identity and the place you're in its entirety.
It's damp and musty here, with the smell of wet stone, rotten leaves, and
silence. Time doesn't seem to be moving anymore. It feels like the air hasn't moved
in years because each breath is cooler than the last. It gets stuck in your
throat and touches your skin. Nothing is blowing. There's no motion. It feels
so strange to be so still like you've been cut off from the living world.
Inside the cave, there is a lot of quiet. It's not quiet, it's oppressive. The
slow drip of water hitting the stone walls and your own heart beating are the
only sounds you can hear. It's normal to hear your own breathing and wonder if
it sounds too loud or desperate. Every step you take makes those small sounds
louder because they hit dirt or splash into tiny puddles. The walls seem to be
closing in on you, listening and waiting.
The cave makes you feel cold, not just physically. That feeling chills your
bones and weighs on your mind. It's cold outside, but your heart is the one
that really freezes. That place feels so lonely that words can't quite describe
it. Warmth becomes less familiar. You wonder if the sun is still shining
somewhere above you and the outside world is still there, or if it was all in
your head.
On an emotional level, the cave is like doubt. For example, fear and
humiliation. Being stuck in your mistakes and regrets makes it impossible to
move forward because you can't see where you're going. You don't feel important
in the cave, you feel like you've vanished. You remember people, goals, and
opportunities, but they all look like shades that are just out of reach. At
some point, it's easy to start to think that this is where you belong.
When it's dark, you reach out and try to find something solid to hold on to.
There are times when you hit walls that are hard, cold, and won't bend.
Sometimes all you feel is dead space that makes you wonder what's going on. There
is not a clear way to get there. You don't know if you're going around and
around or slowly moving forward because you're moving based on gut and memory.
In the middle of the cave, though, there is something else: a stubborn spark of
hope. A whispering voice inside you that says, "There's more than
this." This sound is like a link to you. The only thing that makes you
feel warm is a spark deep inside you that shines just bright enough to tell you
that the cave won't last forever.
Being trapped in a cave is scary, makes you feel alone and paralyzed, but it
also makes the trip out stronger. When it finally shows up, even the tiniest
light is a surprise. When you finally get back to the sun, you understand how
strong you were to make it through the dark.
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